I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
