If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
