Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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