I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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