guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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