Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
