what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
