I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nobody cheats on THIS.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
