i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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