No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
