I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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