Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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