UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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