When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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