so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
