babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The uberlube is also flammable
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
