the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
