party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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