Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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