He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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