Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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