Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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