dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
