bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
