I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize