wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
