So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
