I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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