Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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