You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
