it was like his penis was on wheels.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
