Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
