Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't tell me you're on acid again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
