Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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