I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
