Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
