How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
