you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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