The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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