So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
