That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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