Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
