rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I still have a little drunk in my system
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
