The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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