Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
