My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize