Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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