I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
