how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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