Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
