Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

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  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (34) Good night (8469) Bad night (900)
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  (646): View more from New York

  vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic

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  (646): vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic http://tfl.nu/5kjv
  Replies (41) Good night (4343) Bad night (737)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"

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  (704): you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!" http://tfl.nu/9nr0
  Replies (19) Good night (6436) Bad night (826)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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  (256): Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk http://tfl.nu/ail4
  Replies (33) Good night (4359) Bad night (1298)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4839) Bad night (2250)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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  (647): Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar. http://tfl.nu/rv9o
  Replies (27) Good night (1201) Bad night (9769)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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  (315): Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/41jl
  Replies (18) Good night (1313) Bad night (2859)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.

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  (201): St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany. http://tfl.nu/1100
  Replies (3) Good night (927) Bad night (1999)
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  (578): View more from

  You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"

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  (578): You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide" http://tfl.nu/y8fp
  Replies (6) Good night (3006) Bad night (916)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.

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  (443): If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating. http://tfl.nu/mpso
  Replies (8) Good night (735) Bad night (2055)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.

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  (505): There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city. http://tfl.nu/w5w1
  Replies (8) Good night (2239) Bad night (615)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

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  (843): I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed http://tfl.nu/od18
  Replies (9) Good night (605) Bad night (2150)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.

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  (936): Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life. http://tfl.nu/qbmn
  Replies (6) Good night (667) Bad night (549)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.

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  (509): The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by. http://tfl.nu/ohjn
  Replies (3) Good night (652) Bad night (239)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.

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  (979): I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing. http://tfl.nu/72or
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (240)

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