from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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