Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down