Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.