i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
