I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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