So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
