In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
