i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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