Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
