I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
