508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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