you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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