Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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