So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
