Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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