Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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