worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
