do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
