I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
