My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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