Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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