Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
