I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
