There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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