Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
