YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
