SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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