...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
