i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
